Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
