dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
