there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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