You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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