so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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