Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
