That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
