operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
