Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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