I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
