Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm at about main and main street
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
