You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
