so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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