Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
