why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
