Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
