I seem to have left my pride at pride
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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