is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
