So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
