She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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