I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
