you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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