I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
