She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
