happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
