Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
