Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
