i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
