1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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