well I can't set my house on fire every night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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