One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
