Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
