C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
