If i come over, it means nothing
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
