Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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