I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
