i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
