Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
