needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
