He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
