If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
