Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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