Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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