I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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