the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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