Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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