Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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