Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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