Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your penis caused this!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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