My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize