I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
