those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
