You smell like a Billy Joel song
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
