he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
