JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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