just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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