1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
