these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
