low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
