I think I am morally bankrupt
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
