And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
