I must be too annoying 4 u.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize