So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
