Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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