dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
