Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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