First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
