I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
