So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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