dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
