i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
