I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
