"it" just moved
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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