went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I just sharted jello shots
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
