She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
